Summer Hosting Experience III

More words to describe hosting? Heartwarming and bittersweet. I'm having trouble knowing where to begin.

What did we expect from hosting? Why did we do it in the first place? I think David and I would each answer these questions differently, to be honest. I can speak only for myself. I suppose I started out thinking that it would be a good way to have a trial-run with a child without the headache and heartache that can be foster care. I REALLY didn't want to do that. I knew we did not want to adopt again the same way we had adopted Tyler. (We had only a few hours with him before adopting him.) We had to see whether another child could work in our home before committing to adoption. So what's left? A hosting program! Most hosting programs only last a couple of weeks. This one gives enough time to truly see how things might work out. At the end of the program, if we were not going to try and adopt, we were supposed to evaluate whether we felt like the child could "fit" into a family, and include a brief description of the child for another family to either host or adopt Kolya. I could not even imagine trying to do that. Well, actually, I did imagine it; I just didn't like the idea of setting him up with some other family. Jealousy? You bet!

Kolya didn't learn as much English as a lot of the kids on the hosting trip learned, because he depended on the fact that I could communicate with him. In the last 2 weeks here, I tried to speak mostly English with him, but it sure was easy to slip right back into speaking Russian! He learned some, and I know he understood more than he let on, because they do have some English classes at school. It is much like our junior high Spanish class, however. He came here knowing how to say "good morning" "good afternoon" and "good evening" and "speak English." I do think, however, that it put his mind at ease that we could communicate; and I am thankful that I could do that for him.

I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to leave my home for 6 weeks to go to another country, stay with complete strangers who don't even speak the same language, and who eat strange food. And, even though a chaperone came with me to that country, she was staying about 1000 miles away from me! Not only that, but I cannot imagine having done that when I was 10 years old! (By the way, I LOVE teaching the kids "hot dog" when we've already covered the word "dog!" ha! He was mystified, then horrified, just like Tyler was! lol!)

Church was a new and different experience for Kolya. He was completely uninterested, always asking, "When is it over?" How do you explain the love of Christ to someone with very little exposure to the concept? Well, first, we gave him a couple of children's Bibles to read, one in Russian, and one in his second language. He said thanks, then didn't look at them again until we were already three weeks into hosting. One day, I picked up the Bible story book again and handed it to him. I pointed out to him that it was in his second language, and he asked, "It's mine?" I told him yes, and he took it immediately over to the sofa and started reading! About a week and a half later, I was tucking him into bed that night, and he pointed to the picture of the moon on the wall of Tyler's room. He explained to me that God made it and all the planets, and he proceeded to tell me about Adam and Eve and how they ate the fruit and were thrown out of the garden, about Moses and the Red Sea, about Daniel in the lions' den, and about Jonah, including how he went on to Ninevah to preach after his experience inside the fish. He was really impressed with how Jonah spent three days and three nights there. I was shocked! This child had read every Old Testament story in that book in a week and a half! Not just read them -- UNDERSTOOD them! I should not have been shocked, of course. God can use the Holy Spirit in many ways, including letting a child understand His word. In the hotel room when we returned to Atlanta, he finished reading his little Bible. What wonderful things our God can do. My God is so big! And he is good. All the time.

The other thing we did to try and explain the love of Christ: we tried to show it to him.

Kolya is a precious boy. He's brave and strong. He's unselfish and loving. He's all boy. He's curious and playful. He wants "stuff." He has a great sense of humor. He's athletic and physically strong. He thinks it's icky when boys and girls kiss. He's affectionate. He remembers having a family. He wants to have another family.

At night, Kolya was most loving. He would ask me every night if I would come up to his bed and stay with him like I had the night before. He wanted to cuddle and held onto my arm in the bed until he fell asleep. A couple of times when we were cuddled up watching a movie on television, he pointed to himself and to me and said, "I'm yours, da? I'm yours, da?" He told me many times that he wanted to stay with me and that he wanted to live with me. We were not allowed to let on to the kids that we might seek adoption, for the sake of those who could not or would not follow through. (Understandably, the orphanages do not want a bunch of kids to be heartbroken.) He lowered his expectations a bit, and started asking if he could come back on the winter hosting trip, and next summer, and next winter, and the next summer, etc. He would tell me he loved me -- in English and in Russian -- and he gave great hugs.

The most difficult was, of course, taking him back to the airport. (I know he's in a pretty good orphanage. He's well taken care of, well fed, well-nourished, and what-all, but it's still an orphanage.) He worked me pretty hard there. He kept telling me he wanted to stay with me, he wanted to live with me. He asked if I would just switch passports with him - ha! Finally, he said in his best English, "My name is David Beard. I do not speak Russian. I speak only English. I am an American." All I could do was hug him and choke back tears. I didn't boo-hoo like some were doing (mostly the ones with crying girls), but it's hard when you have that lump in your throat. We were supposed to help the kids to accept leaving by not being too emotional. He continued to try and get me to commit to bringing him back for the winter hosting. I told him I would try.

All the kids returned safely to their countries. Including Kolya.

Summer Hosting Experience II

What other words describe our experience with Kolya this summer? Fun and rewarding. We picked him up the evening of June 24 in Atlanta. We drove a couple of hours, and spent the night in a hotel room.

It was really cool being able to help Kolya experience things he had never done before! Right off the bat, we stopped on our way home from Atlanta and went to Gulf Shores to the beach. I honestly think that day was very surreal for Kolya. It was almost as if he couldn't believe his good furtune in being chosen to come to America!

On July 4, we took the boat out to the lake and pulled the boys around on the tube, then anchored among the sailboats to watch the sun go down, and then watch the fireworks from the water. It was a gorgeous sunset that evening, and the boys had such a good time, jumping off the boat and swimming around it. It was good watching them help each other up out of the water and onto the tube, and being concerned for the other guy when he would fall off.

We went to the zoo one day, and to the aquarium on another. Both were new for Kolya. When I told him that they were located in the "big city," he was afraid. He asked where the bandits with the guns were! I reassured him that they were on the next street, not the one we were on. JUST KIDDING! He must hear some kind of stories over there! ha!

We took Kolya to soccer camp for a week, and he just loved it. Because he's so small, apparently the director had put him with the younger kids. After the first day or two, he had to move him to play with the older kids because he's a pretty good soccer player, I think.

Kolya knew how to ride a bike and a skateboard, already. He had told us he knew how to swim, but actually wasn't very good at it at all! His swimming improved remarkably over the 6 weeks here. He enjoyed fishing down at the pond, and riding the lawn mower with David. He helped TREMENDOUSLY when David was building a little deck off the back porch. He's a real workhorse! He tried to fix everything -- every previously-broken toy and flashlight in the house works, now!

I took Kolya to Six Flags when I took him back to Atlanta. He was overjoyed -- so excited! The first ride we got on was a big roller coaster with a couple of loops in it. He was NOT impressed; in fact, he screamed like a girl and I had to drag him to the next one!!! lol! He was sooo glad he was too short to ride the really big ones! lol! Now, THAT was fun! His favorites were the bumper cars and the go-karts.

We tried to keep the summer low-key, without too many leave-the-house activities. We went to a couple of movies, which he loved, and we played laser tag. We went to a couple of friends' houses to swim and meet/visit with other kids. We did make a trip to Texas to visit with family there. He enjoyed playing the Wii at Aunt Dana's house, and Julie and Randi met us at a water park for some last-day fun. Of course, we went to church. We tried not to overwhelm Kolya, and still believe that was best.

Summer Hosting Experience I

Wow! How can I best describe our experience this summer in hosting Kolya? Hmmm, words such as exhausting, tiring, and tension-filled certainly come to mind. Tyler and Kolya butted heads constantly for about four weeks. Everything was a fight and an argument. Each was afraid that the other would get one-up on him, and they are both highly competitive boys. Kolya has "orphanage issues," and does not at all resolve conflict well. He punched Tyler (and any other child, for that matter) when he was angry. Tyler, who is more savvy to what's a punishable offense around here, would sneak in his jabs and punches. It was the age-old problem of not ever quite knowing which kid was telling the truth, so they would both end up being punished.
Finally, about four weeks into having Kolya here, those problems seemed to just sort of go away, for the most part. The boys started getting along better, and Kolya could see some benefit to having Tyler here, particularly when he had trouble with the video games. I think the calming effect may have coincided somewhat with my telling Kolya that Tyler is Russian. I had not told him that previously because I did not want him to go directly in his mind to adoption, when that may not happen for him. We certainly were not sure at that point that we wanted to adopt, even though we could tell that he's a good kid. It wasn't so much about him as it was about our high-maintenance son, however.
Also, about that same time, I had a good talk with Tyler. Tyler has been asking for a brother for about two years. I reminded him of that fact, and his response was, "Yeah, but not that one -- he's annoying!" ha! I discussed with him how kids don't get to choose their siblings, and how siblings often don't get along. I told him about how my sisters and I fought like crazy when we were kids, and how MEAN they were to each other, and to me. He grinned and said, "Tell me more about that, Mom." I also told him about how mean I was to my baby sister. Then I asked him to notice how my sisters are now my best friends. He thought about it for a minute and said, "That would be cool. Then I would have a brother." YES!
Tyler has since several times made little comments about Kolya coming to live with us, about having Kolya be his brother, etc. He's still a little unsure (he wanted a teenage brother who could play "Teen"-rated video games - ha!), but coming around.

The process begins... and Old Stuff

Old Stuff
I HAVE A COUPLE OF EARLY-HOSTING-DAYS JOURNAL ENTRIES THAT I INTENDED TO POST TO THE BLOG A WHILE BACK, BUT FORGOT ABOUT. HERE THEY ARE:

Monday, 6/29/09 So far, so good. Kolya speaks Russian – yea! I can more or less communicate with him… So here’s how we’re doing, five days into hosting --First the downside: We go to the first dentist visit today -- says he doesn't want to go, but I did tell him that it won't hurt (hope it really doesn't!). The main issue we're having is that he wants to play the video game all the time, and acts bored when t.v. and video games are off-limits. (Only allow video game for 30-40 minutes per day, and television is at night, mostly.) He's also doing some "testing" when we tell him "no" about something, but we just stick to our guns, and he accepts it. (except the gumball machine that I finally just had to put away because he would not quit getting gum, even after I told him to stop :o))

During the day, it is so blasted HOT here that it is really miserable outside unless we're in the pool. (We’ve also had water balloon fights and water hose fights.) I've just sent the boys upstairs to find toys to play with (a room full, and they're bored...). Oh, yea! they just found a couple of still-working remote control cars!

Tyler (about to turn 8, and the only child still at home) wants to tell on him and get him into trouble, and there's some DEFINITE jealousy there. Kolya has shown no interest at all in the Bibles we gave him. In Bible class yesterday, he asked me when it would be over… He also has no interest in the journal. I told him he is supposed to write in it every day about what he's done. The first day I gave it to him, he wrote 2 words: "swimming" in Russian, and "bicycle" in English (from the flash card). He hasn't picked it up since. The other thing is that he grunts and points, instead of trying to use English words. He will repeat them after me, though. At home, we drink mostly water from the refrigerator door, but he keeps wanting something else ("coca-cola"), so that's something I have to watch, too. Toothbrushing lasts just ... about … 4 seconds. Tyler tells him to do it again – ha!

However, ON THE UPSIDE: He is a pleasant boy, helpful, and well-mannered. He enjoyed helping David hang a couple of ceiling fans on Saturday, and he likes fishing in the pond (said “oy!” when a big bass jumped out of the water), loves swimming, and riding bikes. He acts like these are all things that he has done before, although he's not the best swimmer, so we have to watch him. He's a good eater, trying everything we give him, pretty much, and eats it all even when he doesn't like it. He's never acted afraid or sad, and I've yet to see him cry. For Tyler, we have always kept a couple of fruit bowls out on the kitchen counter, and Kolya has learned that he can have fresh fruit any time he wants, which he apparently loves having the power to do. Also, he appears to be VERY intelligent, and thinks ahead what we might want/need next. This morning David was reheating a cup of coffee in the microwave, and left the room. A few minutes later, Kolya came walking in to him with the coffee cup and saying "beep-beep-beep!"

On our trip back from Atlanta to New Orleans, we stopped for a couple of hours at Gulf Shores and enjoyed the beach. He seemed familiar with the beach, and was excited to be there. We're having fun, and I'm trying to keep things as "normal" around here as possible. We're not trying to be the entertainment committee, but doing things the way we would even if Kolya weren't here. We are Audobon members, so we may make a few trips to the Audobon Zoo and Aquarium and IMax theater in the summertime. I’ve spent enough time writing this lengthy essay! If you stuck with it, you are strong and powerful! Hope everyone else is having fun!

Sunday, July 05, 2009 We had a good time on the holiday weekend. On Friday, David took off work and we went to the lake to play. On the way we stopped for lunch at Subway, and when we got back in the car, Tyler was crying and saying that Kolya had hit and kicked him repeatedly. Kolya said that Tyler threw his flip-flop into the back of the Landcruiser. Well, I told Kolya that we are to NEVER hit, and that he could not play the video game next week. The first tears came then. He hid under his Star Wars blankie to do his crying there in the back seat. He sulked until we got into the boat at the lake. We had a lot of fun with the boys on the double tube. Kolya and I pulled clams out of the lake while Tyler and David waded in to explore a beach. When we got home, David put the clams on ice and fried them up on Saturday for lunch. Kolya really loved them, and he thoroughly enjoyed helping David open them up to be cooked.Kolya still shows no interest in church, although he did try to sing, humming along during the service. He also likes the craft-making part of Bible class. Tonight at bedtime, he wanted to sleep with us, but I took him and Tyler up to bed at 9:00. Kolya held onto my arm and wanted me to stay with him, so after lights-out I climbed up into the bunk with him. He put his arm around me so sweetly. Then he rolled over and asked me to lightly scratch his back. When he had had enough of that, he held my hand. Tyler had trouble sleeping, so he came up with us. Then I sang several songs to them. Tyler went back down to his bunk, Kolya fell asleep, and then I joined Tyler until he finally fell asleep, too. It was a pretty good night. :o)

8/29/09 (today): We met with our local adoption group, LEEAF, today. That's Louisiana Eastern European Adoptive Families. The kids went to Young Chef's Academy and the parents went to the pizza place next door. The gatherings are usually really good, and this one was no exception. I brought Kolya's summer photo book with me, and it was fun to share that. My friend Suzy and her husband are in the process of adopting 3 Russian kids. Oh, did I forget to mention that they already HAVE 3 Russian kids?!!! What a woman, huh?! They had a wonderful first trip over to meet the kids last month, and anticipate being able to return to bring them home around the end of October.

We are supposed to find out this week whether Kolya is legally available for adoption. Hopefully, we will find out for sure this week. Once we have that information in hand, we make an appointment with INS (now USCIS), take them our home study and several other documents, fill out an application to classify Kolya appropriately, and submit our fingerprints to them so they can check us out. Then, we sit and wait for INS to do their thing and send us the form that we will submit (with still more documentation) to the other country. This can take months! I hope it only takes weeks...

We will most likely host Kolya again for the Christmas hosting. The winter program is 4 weeks instead of 6. Sure would be cool to be going over to get him permanently not long after that!
This week pray for: Kolya to be available for adoption, and for us to get that information this week. Next post: I'll give a rundown on our summer hosting experiences.

New at This

Welcome to my blog!

When I was a little girl, Mama and Daddy one day asked me in exasperated fashion, "Why do you have to talk so much?" My response was, of course, "Because I have so much to say!" Well, here I am -- 40 years later -- and I still have so much to say!

I'm new at this blogging stuff. Never tried it before, so I don't know how it's going to come together and what it's going to look like. I decided to do this instead of real journaling for our possible upcoming adoption process. Hopefully, I will take the time to keep this updated and fill everybody in on what's going on in our lives.

We are the Beard family: David, Stephanie, and Tyler. We have lots of extended family members, too, who are very important to us, and who may be mentioned here from time to time. David and I each have two awesome grown daughters, three of whom are married: J1 is married to B, J2 is married to M, J3 is married to D, and R1 is a single young chick. J1 & B have a son, R2, who is 11. J2 and M have two girls, B, who is 9, and J4 is 5. J3 and D have one on the way, which means that I'll be a Nana sometime around March 3! That leaves R1, our baby girl, age 21, and Tyler, our baby boy, age 8. David has two sisters, and I have 3 sisters. Neither of us has brothers. We have several really cool nieces and nephews, too. And, of course, my Mama and Daddy are still sitting by on pins and needles hoping that I'll call more often and tell them what all I have to say.

Follow along. I hope everyone finds a blessing somewhere in all this!
Stephanie